NEED ADVISE. My girlfriend is depressed...

Dwade3HeatC · 03-17-2015, 06:04 PM

............

JUNKWAX · 03-17-2015, 06:28 PM

Is there any certain event (or events) that triggered the depression?

Dwade3HeatC · 03-17-2015, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JUNKWAX

Is there any certain event (or events) that triggered the depression?

Not sure. She doesn't really want to talk about it much. My guess is that it's because her family issues. She did tell me once that she's very self conscious and doesn't feel good about herself, and I have no clue where she's getting those thoughts from... Maybe from the past? Maybe somebody told her all these bad things about her?

Timmay · 03-17-2015, 06:37 PM

Start with her doctor. If she doesn't have one find one. She need's professional help that you can't get here.

JUNKWAX · 03-17-2015, 06:42 PM

I have known plenty of depressed people and there is almost always a trigger(s). Best thing she can do is tell you or a counselor what has triggered her depression. The only way to begin to fix the problem is to know what caused the problem to begin with. People just don't wake up one day and decide to be depressed. If she wont talk then that's going to be tough to get to the root of the problem.

If she has health insurance have her talk to a professional. They can help her work through her problems and prescribe medication to soften the extreme mood swings. She needs to understand that taking her anger out on you is not fair to you (unless you are the problem

).

Seriously.......Depression is a serious issue and if its to the point that she is hurting herself she really does need to see a professional that understands the mindset of depressed people.

I wish yall both the best. I know it has to be hard on both of yall.

sportzluvr1 · 03-17-2015, 06:44 PM

Self-harm can be a direct link to how she feels about herself in her head; bringing a persistent thought to reality per se. When one has low opinions of ones-self (self-esteem), that can sometimes be attributed to the constant negative berating during pre and post adolescence, usually done by an authority figure (momommy/daddy probs?) of some kind. Unfortunately, no matter how much you tell her shes beautiful or that shes perfect, shell always be imperfect in her own eyes and beauty, as the old saying goes, is in the eye of the beholder.

My advice: get her a very good psychiatrist ASAP.

cfind · 03-17-2015, 06:58 PM

Help her see the need to visit the doctor and be open about how she's feeling. There's a certain stigma associated with mental illness/depression that prevents people from getting professional help, and it's usually to their detriment.

She may need to see a psychiatrist or it could be that a specific medication(s) are all she needs to maintain a better mental balance.

oldgoldy97 · 03-17-2015, 07:04 PM

Sorry to sound cold hearted, but get her to a place where you feel like she is doing OK then get out.

ld8759 · 03-17-2015, 07:11 PM

Please google Borderline Personality Disorder... From what you are describing,your girlfriend has many of the symptoms. The only way to find out is to do what sportzluvr said and try to get her to a psychiatrist,IF she agrees to go. I was with someone who had this disorder and my life was hell. I wound up leaving for good to save what was left of my sanity. Sorry to be a downer,but you can't help her if she won't or can't help herself. I know that you love her,but it sounds like you are so busy taking care of her that you aren't taking care of yourself. I wish you the best of luck,and I hope things work out for you.

Gmrson · 03-17-2015, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timmay

Start with her doctor. If she doesn't have one find one. She need's professional help that you can't get here.

This. And if she has a doctor and he is not good find a new one. And not a general practice doctor, she needs a good psych doctor. Check with your hospital. They may have in or out patient groups. The hardest part is getting the meds right. It took my wife years to find a great doctor that listens. It's made a world of difference. She's had all the major medications over the years but finally the great doctor listened to how she was feeling and tweeks her medications. Her anxiety and depression was diagnosed as basically PTSD from a brutal childhood. She tells her doctor everything, without the truth he can't help her.

Clarka3 · 03-17-2015, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldgoldy97

Sorry to sound cold hearted, but get her to a place where you feel like she is doing OK then get out.

this.

dated a girl that was bonkers and she threw a #@#@#@#@-fit while I was out with my friends on my 21st birthday. Two of my friends had to go break into our bathroom just to stop her from "hurting herself" because they were getting me shitfaced on my birthday. Just negative all the time, down on herself, killjoy all the time.

You're going to find somebody that is much lower maintenance and be much happier for it.

lemur01 · 03-17-2015, 11:02 PM

Tell her to either go in patient at a treatment facility, or your going to have to move on.

Or just move on. No kids I assume?

chris43 · 03-17-2015, 11:14 PM

I really hate to sound this way but you're young and it isn't fair to you. Try to get her help or at least point her in the right direction or inform a decent family member if she has any and get outta there as quick as possible. Yes, it will hurt at first and will be hard but this isn't something that you want to deal with for the rest of your life (if it lasts). It also isn't something that you want to waste your precious younger years on (if she goes even farther down and decides she can't date anyone). Once again I hate to sound this way but you must do what is best for you. Seriously think about it................would you want to bring kids into this situation?

coltsnsox07 · 03-17-2015, 11:23 PM

Boy, sounds like an ex of mine. I bet it's deep rooted from a dad or stepdad, brother/step brother, uncle, neighborhood babysitter or first boyfriend who abused/molested her....her lack of self worth is from one of those monsters who ingrained it into her that she's nothing while abusing her and when she tries to let in happy/healthy relationship stuff in(that's you), that past garbage gets her down. She definitely needs a 'talking doctor', a lot of time, some medication, and you, if you're up to it.

jerryw · 03-18-2015, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldgoldy97

Sorry to sound cold hearted, but get her to a place where you feel like she is doing OK then get out.

this would be my advice as well....theres really nothing you can do to help her..its above your pay grade...she needs professional help

cruiserdaddy7 · 03-18-2015, 12:43 AM

I am shocked at what people post about their personal lives on the internet.

Sweetness34 · 03-18-2015, 01:09 AM

seek help from a doctor, not an online card forum.. just my opinion

Saban1 · 03-18-2015, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cruiserdaddy7

I am shocked at what people post about their personal lives on the internet.

+1 There are a lot of different ways to ask for personal help. A message board on the Internet isn't were I would start, for the world to see.

mma138 · 03-18-2015, 01:49 AM

right , sounds like she needs professional help. but for anyone feeling depressed . it happens to all of us . whenever I feel down I ask myself is it realy that bad ? I do my best not to dwell on what is bothering me that much . I do my best to quickly shift my focus onto the positives in my life . things could always be a lot worse . just remember that .

jcmel323 · 03-18-2015, 04:00 AM

First things first: no one wants to go to a psychiatrist. she will probably say "im ok" "im not crazy". So the first thing is that she needs to admits that profesional help is the best way.
Second, if family is not united that will affect allways, she probably wont say it but his conscience will not let her live peacefully. As bad as the family problem might be, she needs to end it.

On the Short term:
keep her busy. Maybe a pet.
Some private beach at sunset might calm
Red wine

If she doesnt admit it or accept pro help, then you need to end the relationship. As time passes it will affect you more.....

IowaCubs1 · 03-18-2015, 08:36 AM

Been through anxiety, not depression but have a friend that had it. She needs professional help NOW. You cannot force her to go but you need to make her realize what is going on and ask her if you can take her to get help or just even talk to someone. Make sure her parents are aware. Don't give up on her (Maybe I'm against the grain on this one) at that moment when you do, she will be done or it will get worse for her. You don't want on your concience that you may have been part of the reason. If you can get through this you can get through almost anything. Be there for her and make sure she gets the help she needs. Show her that it is also affecting you.

jmscoggin · 03-18-2015, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcmel323

On the Short term:
keep her busy. Maybe a pet.
Some private beach at sunset might calm
Red wine

Bad advice on the wine and the pet. Alcohol is a depressant, those mix poorly with depression for obvious reasons. Pets are needy and she is probably feeling pretty overwhelmed at this point. Putting more responsibilities on her plate is a bad idea. Especially something that is alive.

Ephland · 03-18-2015, 08:54 AM

I dated a girl who had similar issues - family issues, cutting, and she spoke of suicide but it never came that close to it. Slept with a knife under her pillow. Tried to help, but nothing I ever did helped. Eventually I just acted as though things were "normal" and she kinda evened out. Then a few months later she dumped me for another dude. It took me awhile to get over it, but I did get to a point where I realized it was so much better to not have that in my life.

And many years later I discovered she became a nude model and had a bunch of pictures on the internet. That was a great day.

techtre2003 · 03-18-2015, 10:45 AM

She definitely needs professional help. I would be honest with her and push her (in a supporting, non-accusatory way) to get that help. If after some time she still refuses I'd move on. You're young and have been dating less than 2 years. I'll tell you right now that without serious help it will only get worse. Even with treatment it may still be something she deals with the rest of her life. You may be in a good spot in your mental health right now, but if you have to deal with this thing on a regular basis year after year it WILL gradually put you in a bad place.

TarjetasBéisbol · 03-18-2015, 10:58 AM

The reality is that you can't give her any help, she needs to get help herself. Why leave this site? Because she doesn't want you to be here or what? Nothing that YOU do will make her feel any better and she will just drag you down with her. The more you try the more frustrated you will become and you will eventually see how much time you wasted. No sense in wasting your young life on a person who needs to get their sh*t together before they can even offer anything to a relationship. Even if you love her you may just have to let her handle her situation her way and if you start to push some resentment may form.

03-17-2015, 06:04 PM	#1
Dwade3HeatC Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 1,769	NEED ADVISE. My girlfriend is depressed... ............ __________________ Looking for lots Last edited by Dwade3HeatC; 04-01-2016 at 02:13 PM.

03-17-2015, 06:42 PM	#5
JUNKWAX Member Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: TEXAS Posts: 697	I have known plenty of depressed people and there is almost always a trigger(s). Best thing she can do is tell you or a counselor what has triggered her depression. The only way to begin to fix the problem is to know what caused the problem to begin with. People just don't wake up one day and decide to be depressed. If she wont talk then that's going to be tough to get to the root of the problem. If she has health insurance have her talk to a professional. They can help her work through her problems and prescribe medication to soften the extreme mood swings. She needs to understand that taking her anger out on you is not fair to you (unless you are the problem). Seriously.......Depression is a serious issue and if its to the point that she is hurting herself she really does need to see a professional that understands the mindset of depressed people. I wish yall both the best. I know it has to be hard on both of yall.

03-17-2015, 07:11 PM	#9
ld8759 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3,708	Please google Borderline Personality Disorder... From what you are describing,your girlfriend has many of the symptoms. The only way to find out is to do what sportzluvr said and try to get her to a psychiatrist,IF she agrees to go. I was with someone who had this disorder and my life was hell. I wound up leaving for good to save what was left of my sanity. Sorry to be a downer,but you can't help her if she won't or can't help herself. I know that you love her,but it sounds like you are so busy taking care of her that you aren't taking care of yourself. I wish you the best of luck,and I hope things work out for you. __________________ Rest in peace, Connor. Rest in peace, Leoneez.

03-17-2015, 11:02 PM	#12
lemur01 Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 5,154	Tell her to either go in patient at a treatment facility, or your going to have to move on. Or just move on. No kids I assume? __________________ Pull my Finger Have you been Lemur'd today? Currently hoarding mountains of cards that I should be trading.

03-17-2015, 11:14 PM	#13
chris43 Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: TN Posts: 1,156	I really hate to sound this way but you're young and it isn't fair to you. Try to get her help or at least point her in the right direction or inform a decent family member if she has any and get outta there as quick as possible. Yes, it will hurt at first and will be hard but this isn't something that you want to deal with for the rest of your life (if it lasts). It also isn't something that you want to waste your precious younger years on (if she goes even farther down and decides she can't date anyone). Once again I hate to sound this way but you must do what is best for you. Seriously think about it................would you want to bring kids into this situation? __________________ Collects: UK Wildcats basketball players (prefer UK uniform but also buy some NBA)

03-17-2015, 06:28 PM	#2
JUNKWAX Member Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: TEXAS Posts: 697	Is there any certain event (or events) that triggered the depression?

03-17-2015, 06:37 PM	#4
Timmay Member Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 1,344 kilroyjr	Start with her doctor. If she doesn't have one find one. She need's professional help that you can't get here.

03-17-2015, 06:44 PM	#6
sportzluvr1 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: the blue waffle of the Great Midwest Posts: 7,715	Self-harm can be a direct link to how she feels about herself in her head; bringing a persistent thought to reality per se. When one has low opinions of ones-self (self-esteem), that can sometimes be attributed to the constant negative berating during pre and post adolescence, usually done by an authority figure (momommy/daddy probs?) of some kind. Unfortunately, no matter how much you tell her shes beautiful or that shes perfect, shell always be imperfect in her own eyes and beauty, as the old saying goes, is in the eye of the beholder. My advice: get her a very good psychiatrist ASAP.

03-17-2015, 06:58 PM	#7
cfind Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: COMC Land Posts: 2,668	Help her see the need to visit the doctor and be open about how she's feeling. There's a certain stigma associated with mental illness/depression that prevents people from getting professional help, and it's usually to their detriment. She may need to see a psychiatrist or it could be that a specific medication(s) are all she needs to maintain a better mental balance.

03-17-2015, 07:04 PM	#8
oldgoldy97 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 49,579	Sorry to sound cold hearted, but get her to a place where you feel like she is doing OK then get out.

03-17-2015, 11:23 PM	#14
coltsnsox07 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 21,946	Boy, sounds like an ex of mine. I bet it's deep rooted from a dad or stepdad, brother/step brother, uncle, neighborhood babysitter or first boyfriend who abused/molested her....her lack of self worth is from one of those monsters who ingrained it into her that she's nothing while abusing her and when she tries to let in happy/healthy relationship stuff in(that's you), that past garbage gets her down. She definitely needs a 'talking doctor', a lot of time, some medication, and you, if you're up to it.

03-18-2015, 12:43 AM	#16
cruiserdaddy7 Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 15,524 Cruiserdaddy7	I am shocked at what people post about their personal lives on the internet. __________________ Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

03-18-2015, 01:09 AM	#17
Sweetness34 Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,254	seek help from a doctor, not an online card forum.. just my opinion

03-18-2015, 01:49 AM	#19
mma138 Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 10,942	right , sounds like she needs professional help. but for anyone feeling depressed . it happens to all of us . whenever I feel down I ask myself is it realy that bad ? I do my best not to dwell on what is bothering me that much . I do my best to quickly shift my focus onto the positives in my life . things could always be a lot worse . just remember that .

03-18-2015, 04:00 AM	#20
jcmel323 Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Puerto Rico Posts: 2,924	First things first: no one wants to go to a psychiatrist. she will probably say "im ok" "im not crazy". So the first thing is that she needs to admits that profesional help is the best way. Second, if family is not united that will affect allways, she probably wont say it but his conscience will not let her live peacefully. As bad as the family problem might be, she needs to end it. On the Short term: keep her busy. Maybe a pet. Some private beach at sunset might calm Red wine If she doesnt admit it or accept pro help, then you need to end the relationship. As time passes it will affect you more.....

03-18-2015, 08:36 AM	#21
IowaCubs1 Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Iowa Posts: 12,622	Been through anxiety, not depression but have a friend that had it. She needs professional help NOW. You cannot force her to go but you need to make her realize what is going on and ask her if you can take her to get help or just even talk to someone. Make sure her parents are aware. Don't give up on her (Maybe I'm against the grain on this one) at that moment when you do, she will be done or it will get worse for her. You don't want on your concience that you may have been part of the reason. If you can get through this you can get through almost anything. Be there for her and make sure she gets the help she needs. Show her that it is also affecting you. __________________ COLLECTING: IOWA HAWKEYES, KC CHIEFS https://www.flickr.com/photos/156628859@N08/albums/with/72157686059706286 Last edited by IowaCubs1; 03-18-2015 at 09:25 AM.

03-18-2015, 08:54 AM	#23
Ephland Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Texas Posts: 2,044 ephlandfamily	I dated a girl who had similar issues - family issues, cutting, and she spoke of suicide but it never came that close to it. Slept with a knife under her pillow. Tried to help, but nothing I ever did helped. Eventually I just acted as though things were "normal" and she kinda evened out. Then a few months later she dumped me for another dude. It took me awhile to get over it, but I did get to a point where I realized it was so much better to not have that in my life. And many years later I discovered she became a nude model and had a bunch of pictures on the internet. That was a great day. __________________ Texas Rangers - 2023 World Series Champions

03-18-2015, 10:45 AM	#24
techtre2003 Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: East Central Illinois Posts: 2,203 techtre1981	She definitely needs professional help. I would be honest with her and push her (in a supporting, non-accusatory way) to get that help. If after some time she still refuses I'd move on. You're young and have been dating less than 2 years. I'll tell you right now that without serious help it will only get worse. Even with treatment it may still be something she deals with the rest of her life. You may be in a good spot in your mental health right now, but if you have to deal with this thing on a regular basis year after year it WILL gradually put you in a bad place.

03-18-2015, 10:58 AM	#25
TarjetasBéisbol Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: NOVA Posts: 10,891	The reality is that you can't give her any help, she needs to get help herself. Why leave this site? Because she doesn't want you to be here or what? Nothing that YOU do will make her feel any better and she will just drag you down with her. The more you try the more frustrated you will become and you will eventually see how much time you wasted. No sense in wasting your young life on a person who needs to get their sh*t together before they can even offer anything to a relationship. Even if you love her you may just have to let her handle her situation her way and if you start to push some resentment may form. __________________ De oppresso liber - RLTW "The Mexicans taught me that trick", "Let me be very clear, crystal clear"