Why is it offensive to hold the door?

dashcol · 12-05-2019, 03:44 PM

I have always taught my boys (one graduating high school in three weeks, the other a sophomore), the proper way to treat all people. They were taught to open doors, pull out chairs, say hello to strangers, every adult is sir or ma’am, give more than you receive, say your sorry and mean it, and above all others treat all with respect until they lose that respect.

We were at the store, and a woman and teenage girl were walking in behind us. My son went through the door, and let it close behind him. I was instantly angered, apologized to the women behind us and opened the door for them.

Obviously I pulled my son aside after that and asked him why he was so disrespectful.

He was honest in his answer, and told me that it was offensive to open a door for a woman now. WTF!!!????

Supposedly it is because they are not being treated equally, so now one is his age group will ever open or hold a door for someone else. What has gone wrong with this world where being polite and respectful is now rude and offensive?

I can’t take much more of this.

TarjetasBéisbol · 12-05-2019, 03:45 PM

It sounds like your son has been listen to the wrong people and it’s not.../thread.

danfan1 · 12-05-2019, 03:50 PM

The social justice warriors truly are ruining everything. I travel for work, I'm from the south and was raised to say yes sir/ma'am and no sir/ma'am, women up north HATE it. Trying to explain to them its a respect thing is like teaching a cow to do backflips. I hold doors for men and women alike, never had anyone try the equality crap. Its just politeness.

SDcardguy24 · 12-05-2019, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TarjetasBéisbol

It sounds like your son has been listen to the wrong people and it’s not.../thread.

this.

Josh611 · 12-05-2019, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danfan1

The social justice warriors truly are ruining everything. I travel for work, I'm from the south and was raised to say yes sir/ma'am and no sir/ma'am, women up north HATE it. Trying to explain to them its a respect thing is like teaching a cow to do backflips. I hold doors for men and women alike, never had anyone try the equality crap. Its just politeness.

Gotta say Miss instead of Ma’am. Makes me feel younger

Never heard of someone complaining about a door being held for them. Not even sure what to say about that lol

Hess687 · 12-05-2019, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TarjetasBéisbol

It sounds like your son has been listen to the wrong people and it’s not.../thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SDcardguy24

this.

Yep.......I third this.

JustRachel · 12-05-2019, 04:07 PM

Ridiculous.

Holding the door for anyone, male or female, is polite and respectful always, every time. This isn't a gender issue at all.

Even if it was about gender, it's still fine by me. I'm not sure why anyone would find it offensive, nor would I cater to that way of thinking. On the other hand, I don't expect it. I definitely notice it and express my gratitude with a thank you though.

no10pin · 12-05-2019, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustRachel

Ridiculous.

Holding the door for anyone, male or female, is polite and respectful always, every time. This isn't a gender issue at all.

Even if it was about gender, it's still fine by me. I'm not sure why anyone would find it offensive, nor would I cater to that way of thinking. On the other hand, I don't expect it. I definitely notice it and express my gratitude with a thank you though.

Pretty much what I was thinking. If I go through a door at work, I'll hold it for anyone behind me (except for Scott, he's a dick).

I don't check to see if they are female or not first.

dashcol · 12-05-2019, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TarjetasBéisbol

It sounds like your son has been listen to the wrong people and it’s not.../thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SDcardguy24

this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hess687

Yep.......I third this.

While I agree with you, I was actually proven that it is not a case of “wrong people”. It is his peers who considered it rude, including his GF. One of the school counselor actually said this is starting to become the norm.

dashcol · 12-05-2019, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danfan1

The social justice warriors truly are ruining everything. I travel for work, I'm from the south and was raised to say yes sir/ma'am and no sir/ma'am, women up north HATE it. Trying to explain to them its a respect thing is like teaching a cow to do backflips. I hold doors for men and women alike, never had anyone try the equality crap. Its just politeness.

I am in the South, and was amazed when I saw this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustRachel

Ridiculous.

Holding the door for anyone, male or female, is polite and respectful always, every time. This isn't a gender issue at all.

Even if it was about gender, it's still fine by me. I'm not sure why anyone would find it offensive, nor would I cater to that way of thinking. On the other hand, I don't expect it. I definitely notice it and express my gratitude with a thank you though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by no10pin

Pretty much what I was thinking. If I go through a door at work, I'll hold it for anyone behind me (except for Scott, he's a dick).

I don't check to see if they are female or not first.

I agree, gender does not matter, polite is polite. It just happened to be two women walking in behind us.

GoBeavs · 12-05-2019, 04:33 PM

If it's a matter of wanting to kill off chivalry, that's one thing. For it to be "rude" when someone is being "polite" makes no sense (taking gender out of the equation). I'd be curious if he took that argument back to his friends, if they would still have the same stance.

rman112 · 12-05-2019, 04:34 PM

It's not.

Those people suck.

dashcol · 12-05-2019, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoBeavs

If it's a matter of wanting to kill off chivalry, that's one thing. For it to be "rude" when someone is being "polite" makes no sense (taking gender out of the equation). I'd be curious if he took that argument back to his friends, if they would still have the same stance.

The next day I did ask my sons two best friends, and they agreed, why would they hold the door open when they can do it themselves. It was “ wasting their time” to sit and wait for them to walk through.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rman112

It's not.

Those people suck.

Thanks for telling me my son sucks!

I used to like you rman....

JustRachel · 12-05-2019, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dashcol

I agree, gender does not matter, polite is polite. It just happened to be two women walking in behind us.

Yeppers. It doesn't matter to me if they're a man, woman, kid, senior, Martian, ogre, spectre, Hobbit, or even an attorney. Polite is polite. Chivalry isn't part of this equation in my opinion.

Bears fans are on their own, though.

Chuck Bartowski · 12-05-2019, 04:43 PM

How about not making a huge deal out of this?

Look I usually hold doors open for people whether they are male or female, but it is antiquated. This might be unpopular, but making a big deal out of this makes it seem like the action is more about what it says about you (look at me I'm still a gentleman) than it is about showing respect to someone else.

I know people want to blame SJW and Woke people for this, but is it really their fault that we are putting such value on holding the door open for someone? I mean really be honest with yourself and ask why is this so important to me?

rman112 · 12-05-2019, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dashcol

Thanks for telling me my son sucks!

I used to like you rman....

Lol.. that's not what I meant.

hostilecarrot · 12-05-2019, 04:58 PM

To be clear, it is not sexist to hold the door open for a woman because it would be appropriate to hold the door open for someone regardless of their gender. If you were holding a door open for a woman because you thought they weren't strong enough to open it because they are a woman then that is a far different story.

Anyways, if on the off chance a woman ever gets mad at you for opening a door for them, say, "I was just trying to help because I know pigs don't have opposable thumbs" and carry on. This is coming from someone who has been called an sjw plenty of times.

TarjetasBéisbol · 12-05-2019, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dashcol

While I agree with you, I was actually proven that it is not a case of “wrong people”. It is his peers who considered it rude, including his GF. One of the school counselor actually said this is starting to become the norm.

Well his peers, the school counselor and his girlfriend are wrong for thinking that way and your are wrong for even thinking that they are even close to being right. It is not offensive to hold the door for anyone, it’s offensive to even think that way. That’s the problem with today’s society, second guessing the values that are ingrained in oneself just because you hear that something is offensive in today’s society.

Oh...and it’s ok to buy your wife a Peloton.

patchgenie · 12-05-2019, 05:04 PM

what about men holding the door open for other men?

rman112 · 12-05-2019, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patchgenie

what about men holding the door open for other men?

TBD. Depends how they identify.

patchgenie · 12-05-2019, 05:07 PM

i would hold the door and have if they were in a wheelchair, crutches, or were holding a lot of items, but i find it weird otherwise or is it just me?

rman112 · 12-05-2019, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patchgenie

i would hold the door and have if they were in a wheelchair, crutches, or were holding a lot of items, but i find it weird otherwise or is it just me?

We need a chart depicting acceptable distances for door opening.

If the person behind me (doesn't matter who) is going to end up walking to the door right as it closes, I'll take the extra second to hold it open.

Jim65 · 12-05-2019, 05:23 PM

I was raiised to respect people. I hold doors for people, I let people who have less items cut in front of me at the grocery store, etc. If that offends anyone, thats their problem, not mine.

chezball · 12-05-2019, 05:28 PM

If someone is coming I'll hold the door open for them, man or woman.
If someone has a problem with that their parents are POS and they can go FO.

Nicnac · 12-05-2019, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chezball

If someone is coming I'll hold the door open for them, man or woman.
If someone has a problem with that their parents are POS and they can go FO.

^

Never had someone complain when I hold the door open for them. Often have someone ignore me and walk through like I am their personal servant (or invisible).

I'll add to Chez, by extension if someone has a problem with me holding the door open for them they are also POS and can go FO.

12-05-2019, 03:44 PM	#1
dashcol Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: It's complicated Posts: 7,713	Why is it offensive to hold the door? I have always taught my boys (one graduating high school in three weeks, the other a sophomore), the proper way to treat all people. They were taught to open doors, pull out chairs, say hello to strangers, every adult is sir or ma’am, give more than you receive, say your sorry and mean it, and above all others treat all with respect until they lose that respect. We were at the store, and a woman and teenage girl were walking in behind us. My son went through the door, and let it close behind him. I was instantly angered, apologized to the women behind us and opened the door for them. Obviously I pulled my son aside after that and asked him why he was so disrespectful. He was honest in his answer, and told me that it was offensive to open a door for a woman now. WTF!!!???? Supposedly it is because they are not being treated equally, so now one is his age group will ever open or hold a door for someone else. What has gone wrong with this world where being polite and respectful is now rude and offensive? I can’t take much more of this. __________________ “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” Jackie Robinson “Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way.” Satchel Paige.

12-05-2019, 03:45 PM	#2
TarjetasBéisbol Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: NOVA Posts: 10,891	It sounds like your son has been listen to the wrong people and it’s not.../thread. __________________ De oppresso liber - RLTW "The Mexicans taught me that trick", "Let me be very clear, crystal clear"

12-05-2019, 04:33 PM	#11
GoBeavs Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Corvallis, OR Posts: 4,955 flow20 joeflow	If it's a matter of wanting to kill off chivalry, that's one thing. For it to be "rude" when someone is being "polite" makes no sense (taking gender out of the equation). I'd be curious if he took that argument back to his friends, if they would still have the same stance. __________________ I collect all Oregon State alumni.

12-05-2019, 03:50 PM	#3
danfan1 Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 462	The social justice warriors truly are ruining everything. I travel for work, I'm from the south and was raised to say yes sir/ma'am and no sir/ma'am, women up north HATE it. Trying to explain to them its a respect thing is like teaching a cow to do backflips. I hold doors for men and women alike, never had anyone try the equality crap. Its just politeness.

12-05-2019, 04:07 PM	#7
JustRachel Member Join Date: Jul 2019 Posts: 5,663	Ridiculous. Holding the door for anyone, male or female, is polite and respectful always, every time. This isn't a gender issue at all. Even if it was about gender, it's still fine by me. I'm not sure why anyone would find it offensive, nor would I cater to that way of thinking. On the other hand, I don't expect it. I definitely notice it and express my gratitude with a thank you though.

12-05-2019, 04:34 PM	#12
rman112 Banned Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Freedom is Free Again Posts: 40,946	It's not. Those people suck.

12-05-2019, 04:43 PM	#15
Chuck Bartowski Member Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Alaska Posts: 3,207 bartowski1976	How about not making a huge deal out of this? Look I usually hold doors open for people whether they are male or female, but it is antiquated. This might be unpopular, but making a big deal out of this makes it seem like the action is more about what it says about you (look at me I'm still a gentleman) than it is about showing respect to someone else. I know people want to blame SJW and Woke people for this, but is it really their fault that we are putting such value on holding the door open for someone? I mean really be honest with yourself and ask why is this so important to me?

12-05-2019, 04:58 PM	#17
hostilecarrot Member Join Date: Aug 2017 Location: Wilmington, NC Posts: 1,381	To be clear, it is not sexist to hold the door open for a woman because it would be appropriate to hold the door open for someone regardless of their gender. If you were holding a door open for a woman because you thought they weren't strong enough to open it because they are a woman then that is a far different story. Anyways, if on the off chance a woman ever gets mad at you for opening a door for them, say, "I was just trying to help because I know pigs don't have opposable thumbs" and carry on. This is coming from someone who has been called an sjw plenty of times.

12-05-2019, 05:04 PM	#19
patchgenie Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6,840 americansportscards	what about men holding the door open for other men?

12-05-2019, 05:07 PM	#21
patchgenie Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 6,840 americansportscards	i would hold the door and have if they were in a wheelchair, crutches, or were holding a lot of items, but i find it weird otherwise or is it just me?

12-05-2019, 05:23 PM	#23
Jim65 Member Join Date: Jan 2019 Location: New Jersey Posts: 330	I was raiised to respect people. I hold doors for people, I let people who have less items cut in front of me at the grocery store, etc. If that offends anyone, thats their problem, not mine.

12-05-2019, 05:28 PM	#24
chezball Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: North East Beatoff USA Posts: 21,679 jabber	If someone is coming I'll hold the door open for them, man or woman. If someone has a problem with that their parents are POS and they can go FO.