Can a man and woman be friends?

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

He said it enough that it was absolutely not hyperbole, it was the foundation of his argument.

But regardless my post was just challenging the “worse stuff” I apparently said here, comment.

But you never answered my question. Men and women don’t have a lot in common. Obviously we all drink water and live on planet earth, but on a micro level, our lives are completely different.

I don’t understand how that question offended so many people to the point nobody could answer it.

[jplarson]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Unfortunately, yours and many people’s first line of defense is name calling and insults instead of putting together a solid argument.

More people agree with me than you think, and it just shows how ignorant you are.

I'll remind you your second post into this thread you proclaimed:

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Plus, what kind of dude hangs out with a girl he isn’t attracted to for fun? That sounds awful. Either you hate yourself, or you are a little fruity yourself and want to hang with girls instead of guys.

If you don't think this is insulting and makes people instantly defensive, it does.

[TheFrenzy]

[oldgoldy97]

We’re setting a date for coffee.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

But you never answered my question. Men and women don’t have a lot in common. Obviously we all drink water and live on planet earth, but on a micro level, our lives are completely different.

I don’t understand how that question offended so many people to the point nobody could answer it.

Work
School
Family life
Religion
Music
Hobbies

Any and all of those can be micro, day in and day out, parts of someone’s life that can be shared across genders. Your argument is that sharing any of those likes would mean a man is more feminine or a female is more masculine. That’s inherently nescient, and shows how limited your worldview is. I said that last night, and yet somehow everyone else was so offended by your amazing logic that they couldn’t answer it. When in reality the answers were so logical that your skewed opinion did not allow you to even acknowledge it.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by jplarson

I'll remind you your second post into this thread you proclaimed:



If you don't think this is insulting and makes people instantly defensive, it does.

I already said that the “you hate yourself” part was wrong, but I stand by the fruity comment.

And I don’t even mean that as disrespect. Last time I will address this, but men that hang out with women for fun, as just friends, are usually more feminine.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

Work
School
Family life
Religion
Music
Hobbies

Any and all of those can be micro, day in and day out, parts of someone’s life that can be shared across genders. Your argument is that sharing any of those likes would mean a man is more feminine or a female is more masculine. That’s inherently nescient, and shows how limited your worldview is. I said that last night, and yet somehow everyone else was so offended by your amazing logic that they couldn’t answer it. When in reality the answers were so logical that your skewed opinion did not allow you to even acknowledge it.

Work life is usually not the same for women. School life is not the same for women. Women and men usually do not like the same kind of music. Men and women usually do not have the same hobbies.

Not saying it’s set in stone, but that is usually how it goes.

While everyone has access to all of those things, that does not mean we have have the same shared experiences. So yes, I still stand by my statement.

[oldgoldy97]

I did not spell your wrong, BTW.

[mike1498]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

Work
School
Family life
Religion
Music
Hobbies
.

I think to share one or a few of those with the opposite gender is likely. But to find someone who shares most of those with you probably is someone of the same gender.

At least it is for me and I'd imagine most. Would you disagree?

[TheFrenzy]

Meanwhile the folks who run the world don't care about men and women being friends or even banging—they want to know why more First World people aren't getting pregnant.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by oldgoldy97

We’re setting a date for coffee.

You now have all of the knowledge in this thread at your disposal, the date should be a 100% success because everyone on BO gets a lot of women, clearly.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Work life is usually not the same for women. School life is not the same for women. Women and men usually do not like the same kind of music. Men and women usually do not have the same hobbies.

Not saying it’s set in stone, but that is usually how it goes.

While everyone has access to all of those things, that does not mean we have have the same shared experiences. So yes, I still stand by my statement.

You asked what they had in common.
I listed micro parts of life

Your response “but it’s not the same” is either just flat out ignorant or a poor attempt at moving the goal post.

Everyone’s experience at work is not the same, because gender is not the defining characteristic for how you perceive the world. There are countless differences that lead to different perspective. You can still have things in common with varied perspective.

You can still have things in common, that foster a friendship, that don’t come from the same sex organ.

Which brings us back to Kindergarten Cop, which is the entire basis of your argument. And is also funny and dumb.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by mike1498

I think to share one or a few of those with the opposite gender is likely. But to find someone who shares most of those with you probably is someone of the same gender.

At least it is for me and I'd imagine most. Would you disagree?

Yes I disagree. Mostly because it wasn’t intended to be a full list of what was necessary to have a friendship.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

You asked what they had in common.
I listed micro parts of life

Your response “but it’s not the same” is either just flat out ignorant or a poor attempt at moving the goal post.

Everyone’s experience at work is not the same, because gender is not the defining characteristic for how you perceive the world. There are countless differences that lead to different perspective. You can still have things in common with varied perspective.

You can still have things in common, that foster a friendship, that don’t come from the same sex organ.

Which brings us back to Kindergarten Cop, which is the entire basis of your argument. And is also funny and dumb.

Look, you are not friends with someone just because they have the same work environment as you. That is called an acquaintance. We are clearly going off topic.

But thank you for finally responding with non troll posts, I genuinely appreciate that. The basis’s (es?) of what you are saying are all theoretical. You are saying they COULD foster a friendship, but that’s not how it works. They usually don’t…unless, like I have been saying, there is an attraction that one of them has for the other.

[jplarson]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

I stand by the fruity comment.

Breathtaking.

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Work life is usually not the same for women. School life is not the same for women. Women and men usually do not like the same kind of music. Men and women usually do not have the same hobbies.

Breathtaking.

I would encourage you to cache this thread, print to pdf, w/e and reread it again in 10-15 years and see where you're at with everything. I remember when I said and thought things that I've come a full 180 on. Perhaps you will, perhaps you won't, but you might interested to see how right you were or how much you learned and experienced.

Even if you maintain that men and women are so radically different, that's reason enough to maintain opposite-gender friendships/relationships (not just acquaintances) so that you gain a better understanding of where people who aren't you are coming from. I would also encourage you to speak to some LGBTIA+ folks about the fruity comment and see what they think about it.

I'll say this for myself. If I approached life the way you've experienced, I wouldn't be married, my friend circle would be a lot smaller, and I would have sorely missed out on some amazing life experiences and developing my understanding of other people, viewpoints, and culture. All things that make me a better version of myself.

[spuds1961]

As the way the original question was asked both being married there would have to be an incredible trust on the part of both spouses but it can happen.

Now if going with being single it definitely happens more often than people think. I could give my own personal experiences but who has time for that.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Look, you are not friends with someone just because they have the same work environment as you. That is called an acquaintance. We are clearly going off topic.

But thank you for finally responding with non troll posts, I genuinely appreciate that. The basis’s (es?) of what you are saying are all theoretical. You are saying they COULD foster a friendship, but that’s not how it works. They usually don’t…unless, like I have been saying, there is an attraction that one of them has for the other.

Get over yourself.

You are 24 and telling grown men and women that you know how the world works and the things they have experienced in their life, are not true and you know better.

Heed JP’s beautifully written post above and hopefully in some moment of self reflection, consider how tiny your world is and how much is left for you to learn, should you want to.

[mike1498]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

Yes I disagree. Mostly because it wasn’t intended to be a full list of what was necessary to have a friendship.

Okay now you're intentionally talking in riddles.

No one asked for the formula of what it takes to be friends. It doesn't exist.

This was a pretty straight forward question and given its breadth probably requires a reasonable amount of generalizations.

We can look at individual cases like Ksemmell has told us about his but if we're talking generally I really don't believe that men and woman share more with each other than they would with the same gender. It's somewhat what makes us different.

That was the whole point. I do think Brass could've worded certain parts differently.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by jplarson

Breathtaking.



Breathtaking.

I would encourage you to cache this thread, print to pdf, w/e and reread it again in 10-15 years and see where you're at with everything. I remember when I said and thought things that I've come a full 180 on. Perhaps you will, perhaps you won't, but you might interested to see how right you were or how much you learned and experienced.

Even if you maintain that men and women are so radically different, that's reason enough to maintain opposite-gender friendships/relationships (not just acquaintances) so that you gain a better understanding of where people who aren't you are coming from. I would also encourage you to speak to some LGBTIA+ folks about the fruity comment and see what they think about it.

I'll say this for myself. If I approached life the way you've experienced, I wouldn't be married, my friend circle would be a lot smaller, and I would have sorely missed out on some amazing life experiences and developing my understanding of other people, viewpoints, and culture. All things that make me a better version of myself.

I think you are correlating the fact that I think men and women are different with the idea that I never interact with anyone of the opposite gender, which is just not the case. I love hearing opposite views and people who have walked a different life than me, I just enjoy learning new things in general.

How does men and women being different have anything to do with that? This whole thread is based on the idea of men and women being friends. My definition of friend is someone who I can hang out with one on one or someone who is there when I need them to be, who also shares common interests.

Men and women aren’t meant to be friends. We can just agree to disagree. Maybe one day I will change my views.

[Braswell10]

Originally Posted by JeremyNick

Get over yourself.

You are 24 and telling grown men and women that you know how the world works and the things they have experienced in their life, are not true and you know better.

Heed JP’s beautifully written post above and hopefully in some moment of self reflection, consider how tiny your world is and how much is left for you to learn, should you want to.

Hey, apparently you have life figured out. If you are happy, that’s all that matters.

[ksemmel]

I know this is an online forum, but can we proceed moving forward without overgeneralizations and attacks on either side?

I would love to actually read and learn other peoples' experiences and values, but with the attacks or "negative" directed responses, we really venture away from the question and discussion and it turns personal.

I would love to have a great conversation on this where we just discuss viewpoints and not attack them. I think there are opportunities for both parties to learn a lot, whether you agree or not with other posters.

[mike1498]

Originally Posted by ksemmel

I know this is an online forum, but can we proceed moving forward without overgeneralizations and attacks on either side?

I would love to actually read and learn other peoples' experiences and values, but with the attacks or "negative" directed responses, we really venture away from the question and discussion and it turns personal.

I would love to have a great conversation on this where we just discuss viewpoints and not attack them. I think there are opportunities for both parties to learn a lot, whether you agree or not with other posters.

I think you would need to refine the question honestly to a particular situation to prevent overgeneralizations. (Which the opposing side has narrowed and only you and TheFrenzy has responded to). Otherwise how do you attack such a broad question?

But yes, there is no need for personal attacks.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by mike1498

I think to share one or a few of those with the opposite gender is likely. But to find someone who shares most of those with you probably is someone of the same gender.

At least it is for me and I'd imagine most. Would you disagree?

Originally Posted by mike1498

Okay now you're intentionally talking in riddles.

No one asked for the formula of what it takes to be friends. It doesn't exist.

This was a pretty straight forward question and given its breadth probably requires a reasonable amount of generalizations.

We can look at individual cases like Ksemmell has told us about his but if we're talking generally I really don't believe that men and woman share more with each other than they would with the same gender. It's somewhat what makes us different.

That was the whole point. I do think Brass could've worded certain parts differently.

One of us is not understanding the other, or both.

I bolded the part of your statement that I responded to. I have a list of things men and women can have in common. You made the bolded statement that you would more likely have more in common with someone of the same gender.

I responded the intent of my post wasn’t to create a full list of what was necessary for friendship. We were discussing can x and y be friends and now you are talking about percentage of generally shared interests. That’s not the conversation I was involved in at any point. So maybe that’s why it seems like I’m talking in riddles, because you are bringing an entirely different conversation into the one I was having. 10 pages in, crossing streams is bound to happen.

Either way, Braswell is completely out in left field with what he is saying, how he was saying it and how he views himself in the context of this thread.

[JeremyNick]

Originally Posted by Braswell10

Hey, apparently you have life figured out. If you are happy, that’s all that matters.

I’m not the one telling other people the way I see the world is the only correct way.

If I were, I’d absolutely think I had the world figured out. What I do know is many things exist outside of my perspective that are absolutely true and that in fact, there is so much for me to continue to learn.

So now, head into the bathroom, look right in the mirror and repeat that post to yourself.

[ksemmel]

Originally Posted by mike1498

I think you would need to refine the question honestly to a particular situation to prevent overgeneralizations. (Which the opposing side has narrowed and only you and TheFrenzy has responded to). Otherwise how do you attack such a broad question?

But yes, there is no need for personal attacks.

So I am specifically talking about the overgeneralizing "attacking" type comments as ones to avoid to actually have a productive conversation.